The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was … God I still miss him.

But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!”

“Wonderful!” said the husband. “But why?”

“You’re with the government … this time I KNOW I’m gonna get SCREWED!”

A Woman’s Darker Side

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.

In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what
was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques.

She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last
shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband.
Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, ‘You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!’

The woman was feeling so guilty, she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, ‘I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead. Show me what you bought.’